Hey, Jenni  by  peace and love

The world smelled like ripened strawberries and burning wood, but all that filled my nose was the scent of smoldering plastic.

"Kate, are you going to the bonfire?" came a voice behind me. I turned my head just in time to see Jason Zara, my best friend, jogging toward me.

"Haven't decided," I replied as he slowed to a stop next to me. Jason and I weren't like most best friends. We didn't share deep thoughts and we didn't know nearly anything about each other. The only thing that made us best friends was something that had happened two summers ago.

"You should," he urged, grabbing my hand. We were very physical friends, and sometimes we even kissed each other. "I want you to meet Monique."

I groaned, shaking my head. "Monique sounds like a bratty, spoiled girl from a rich family."

Jason grinned widely, his tanned face illuminating his chocolaty eyes. "She is," he agreed, "but she's also hot. And she likes me."

"Every girl likes you," I informed him, withdrawing my hand. He leaned over and kissed my lips lightly, but I pulled away. "Wouldn't want Monique seeing that, now would you?"

"We have an open relationship," he replied with a shrug. He ran his right hand through his shaggy brown hair, watching me with analytical eyes. "What's wrong with you, Kate?"

"Like I'd tell you," I sneered, turning away from him. I pulled off my shirt, revealing a blue-and-white-striped bikini top. The sun felt as if it would melt my skin right off the bone.

"I wish you would," he said with sincerity. "You know I'm always here for you, Katie. Even though you never tell me anything."

Jason always tried to get more information out of me. I guess we could have been true best friends if I would just open up. But every time my eyes found his, I saw the night of June twnty-first, and somehow it kept my mouth from forming words with depth.

"I'm not going tonight," I told him suddenly, as though the thought had just occurred. In reality, I had never planned to go to our high school's annual Summer Kick-Off Bonfire. Instead, I planned to lock myself in my room (only after cranking the air conditioner) and reading a good book. Something deep. Something that would mean more to me than anything I could ever conjure up.

"Figures," Jason replied with a roll of his eyes. "You know, there's an actual world outside of your head. With real people and things to do and this amazing thing called forgiveness. You should come out there sometime."

"You can't be forgiven for something nobody knows you did, Jason," I murmured, sitting down on one of the lawn chairs that were strewn across my front yard.

"More like, you don't need to be forgiven for something nobody knows you did," he said cheekily, a small smile on his lips. "You need to move on, babe. Make some friends. Get back into the swing of things. Nobody knows where you were last year, no need to be ashamed of that."

"Ashamed?" I scoffed, glaring at him. "If someone asked me where I was all of last year, I'd tell them the truth. I'd tell them I was at Irving's Stability Center getting treated for a billion mental disorders. I'd let them know how screwed up I am. I might even let them know why."

All of the color drained from Jason's face. "You wouldn't go that far," he whispered, sitting down beside me. He grabbed my hand and stared deep into my crystal blue eyes. "If you did that, my life would go to hell too. And I've fixed myself. I'm okay. You can't take me back down just to redeem yourself, Lately Heather Gowans."

I sighed, shaking my head. "You're right, I wouldn't go that far. Not to protect you, though. It's just because I'm a coward."

"Come on, Katie," Jason whined, still watching me closely. "I leave for college in a month. Don't even joke about talking. Don't ruin me."

My lips twitched at the corners, resulting in a sad smile. "You know I wouldn't, Jase. That's why we're best friends."

"Yeah," he said uncertainly, finally averting his eyes. "Best friends." He gave me a strange nod, then jumped up from the chair. "Bonfire starts in half an hour. I'm gonna go."

"See ya," I said softly, watching as he slowly walked away.

"See ya," he echoed. It was at that moment that I realized I never wanted to see Jason Zara again.

I hopped up from the chair, not even bothering to put my shirt back on. I knew my pale skin was burning red from the sun, but it didn't seem to matter. I had one thing on my mind, and that one thing was all that mattered now. Or maybe it had always been the only thing that mattered. I was just too blinded by the muddy brown puddles of Jason's eyes to notice.

I ran into the house, frantically searching for my car keys. Once I had them, I nearly sprinted outside to my car, a small black Neon. I didn't bother with the seat belt. I did, however, turn the radio on.

" . . . playing your number one hits of summer, this is K92.3, rocking your seasons one song at a time," blasted a man on the radio. "It's the first day of summer, and it's feeling pretty fine out there, isn't it? We're at 100 degrees, with a slight breeze to cool things down. Riverside High is having their Summer Kick-Off Bonfire tonight, should be a real toaster . . . "

He jabbered on while I drove, apparently forgetting that the radio was once a place where music was played. It took nearly twenty minutes to reach the outskirts of town. I parked my car on the side of the road on Howard Street, just as I had done two years ago when I was sixteen.

Back then, I had two other people in my car. Leslie Caven and Jason, my two best friends. I had grown up with them, loved them, shared every part of my life with them because back then, it didn't matter what parts of me they saw. I wasn't blemished. I was more than just a red star in a sea of black and gold.

As I got out of my car, I could already hear music blaring from a clearing a few yards away. It was blocked by trees, but I knew the area well. Riverside High had the bonfire in the same clearing every single year.

Gingerly, I let my feet guide me to a weatherworn cross that was tied to a tree. The tree was the closest one to the road, and the cross was covered in little notes.

'We'll never forget you.' 'You were our shining star.' 'Rest in Peace, Jennifer Howard.'

Jennifer's family had fought to have the street named after her, and the city settled on Howard Street. I cried when I heard because it was just another memory that I needed to suffocate out of my mind.

"Hey, Jenni," I whispered, leaning against the trunk of the tree. "I'm gonna fix things."

A breeze swept through, as if Jennifer was trying to break the barrier between us.

Two years ago, June twenty-first was even hotter. Jason, Leslie and I were drinking by the fire, laughing at things that weren't remotely funny. Leslie needed to get home by midnight and it was already after one, so we decided it was time to leave. I drove, Jason rode shotgun, and Leslie sprawled across the back seat. She was never much of a cactus when it came to holding her drinks.

"Hold on, Jen," I said as another breeze wafted through. With quick steps, I headed back to my car. Once it started, I folded my hands on my lap and said a quick prayer.

That night was blurry, but I had never been able to forget the thud that Jennifer's body made against our car. Leslie screamed, I slammed on the brakes, and Jason burst into laughter. That was before we realized what we had done. When we got out to examine the damage, we found her body. It was warm and still very much alive, but not conscious. Jason pulled me and Leslie aside and got back into the car. He slammed on the gas, hitting Jennifer a lot harder. When he was done, I touched her again. Her body was even warmer, but I could no longer feel the oxygen being pumped through it.

We killed her. Jason made me drive us back to my house, leaving the poor girl's body in the middle of the road. He said someone else would find her and know what to do. We were too blurry, too drunk -- we couldn't help her anymore than we already had. Through tears and gasps, we told my parents what we had done. The alcohol made us honest. However, my parents were sober. They decided to hide the car in the garage. They drove Jason and Leslie home. They told us to never speak of it again.

And we obeyed.

"I'd switch places with you, Jenni," I shouted to my steering wheel. "I'd go to hell if it meant you'd come back."

Leslie refused to ever speak to me or Jason again. Jason refused to acknowledge we had done anything wrong. I went to a nut house.

We were all broken.

"But we can't switch," I went on, tears staining my cheeks with mascara and eyeliner. "So this is the only way to go." I gulped down as much air as I could, savoring the fullness of my lungs. Then, with gritted teeth, I slammed on the gas pedal. I looked up to see where I was going and I saw Jenni's tree.

For the past two years, summer belonged to Jennifer Howard. Now it was mine.