Fire by nikkinike

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I can’t have you. We’re like fire. Glorious, hot, beautiful. But on the inside, where it’s hard to see, the wood is crumbling down, slowly breaking the structure. And as often as you try and replace that wood, it will never be fixed. It just keeps crumbling and crumbling until everything is burnt to the ground, with nothing left. The heart, the love, the dream, it’s all gone.


You’ll burn me down. I’ll burn you down. We’ll destroy each other from the inside out, slowly burning through everything we have left. Would you really give up everything we have for a few passionate, fierce months, only to have us burnt into distant shells of ourselves? We’ll die with each other, doomed never to be happy again. We can’t be together, it defies nature.


One kiss. That’s what you say. One kiss. But it’s never just one kiss. A fire only needs one spark to get it going, but by the time you’ve stop it’s destructive path it’s burnt everything worth keeping. One spark can alight the destruction inside.


One spark would be amazing.


One kiss would be amazing.


One night would be amazing.


But it would continue, a fire blazing out of control. The secrets would start, the paranoia, the rumours. We would trust each other, but we wouldn’t at the same time. Possessiveness would burn us down, and we would screech if we so much as touched someone else. All consuming jealousy. We bring out the worst in one another.


I would love to spend the rest of my life with you. I give anything if I could. But we would burn out, and then we would be left without each other for the rest of our lives. Eternally distraught, dying to see each other again. But if we did, it would tear our worlds apart, would tear apart everyone we care about. Smoke travels, and the smoke from our fire would smother everyone and anyone who dared to get too close. Would you give up, destroy your entire life, just so we could stay together? No friends, no job, nothing to keep us going. Two solitary people in the world, wandering the earth with only each other.


We only need each other, you say. But really? Every fire needs something to keep it going. Wood, strength, oxygen, freedom. Something to fuel the passion. Cabin fever, we would get sick of each other, and it would tear us apart. This person who is your life, and you hate them. Battling each other, conflicting emotions, the sorts of things that would scar a person for life. We love each other. But we hate each other.


But oh how it would be wonderful. How I want to. Just for the one spark. All this talk of destruction, but at the time it would be wonderful. Hearts alight. Why does life have to be this way? All you could ever need, just out of the reach of your fingers. Grasping at air, just trying to hold on, it’s one of the worst feelings in the world. But it’s what we have to do, for the sake of ourselves, for the sake of everyone else we care about. We can never be together.


I don’t think I can see you anymore. Not with the thought of what might have been. It’s too painful, though not as painful as the aftermath would have been. It’s time for us to part, to not even let the fire begin. Leave it behind us in the past and carry on with our lives. Who knows? Maybe one day we will meet again, in different circumstances, in a different life, and then the fire can blaze. We can alight the skies, soar like a shooting star without damaging and tearing worlds apart. No smoke danger, just two beings in perfect harmony, also called love. What a day that will be. But, realistically, could that actually happen? Will we ever meet again? Will we want to? We could be married, moved to a new location; any number of different variables could change between now and then. But I do hope we meet again. Or I think I hope we do meet again. Just to find out what it would be like. To be loved by you.


But it’s enough for now. It’s time to go. If we don’t part now, we never will, and then chaos will reign. Just know that I love you, that I will always love you, and that my life will never be the same again. We are shaped by the people we meet, and the experiences we have, or don’t have. You have shaped me, in some way.  


My heart blazes like a fire. You’re the one who set it alight. Now, let’s watch it burn. 


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