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Without You by James1995

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I stood with tears in my eyes as I watched his funeral procession go by. I saw his mother clinging to his uncle for support; devastated at the loss of her eldest son. His younger brothers and sister, all five of them, walked solemnly behind their parents holding each other's hands for support. His best friends carried his coffin as they entered the church and I became aware of two elderly women sat on a bench next to me

"Car crash I heard" one of them said "Going to meet his girlfriend. Lost control and plummeted off a hill"

"Seventeen years old" said her friend "What a waste of a life; I hope that girlfriend of his is alright"

Obviously the two women had no idea the girl stood exactly in front of them was that girlfriend. I wanted to go to the funeral, I wanted to march in there and poor my heart out to his friends and family telling them how much I loved their son/nephew/brother/friend. To let them know that I would have never hurt him, never let him down like they'd all done before he died; tell them I had a right to be there. But I couldn't, first of all his mother had told me in no uncertain terms that I was to stay away - he died driving to see me therefore all of this was my fault. Second of all I physically couldn't bring myself to watch him be buried or cremated. Because then it was real, because then I knew there was no chance of him ever coming back. My Robbie, my lovely sweet gorgeous Robbie. Gone forever

"I wouldn't be surprised if this turns his mother back to the bottle" one of the women continued "I remember Sandy Mellor of old. Every night down the Swann Inn, taking her clothes of throwing herself at the men. It's no wonder she's a six by six"

"What's a six by six Judith" her friend replied looking confused

"It means she's had six kids by six different fathers" replied Judith. I rolled my eyes; they had no idea about Robbie's family. None at all

"Aren't you going in love?" one of the women asked me "You're his friend I presume"

"I'm not sure I'd be welcomed" I said turning around and giving the women a smile. Hopefully they wouldn't notice I'd been crying

"Oh I'm sure you would love; you might regret it if you don't go" said the woman named Judith

"I think I'll just go home" I said turning back around and facing the church. The service had begun now

I bid the old women farewell and walked home through the park. I liked walking through the park; it was a longer route home so I got more time to think. I reached into my bag and looked at my mobile phone. Seven missed calls and ten texts from mum. Great.

"Alice, honey where are you" came my mother's voice from one of the messages "I know today is going to be very hard for you. Please don't go to the church darling, I know you want to but you need to let Robbie's family grieve in peace"

I sighed and deleted the messages; I was well aware even my parents blamed me for Robbie's death. The only person who didn't was my little brother Ollie; he was the only one who knew the real truth. I looked at my purse and sighed; just £3 to my name at the moment. I made my way down to the amusement arcades. The place where Robbie and I went for our first date

I missed him; I know that I'm only eighteen and still have my whole life ahead of me. I know that they will be other boys, ones who weren't as damaged and needy as Robbie, and ones who didn't need that constant reassurance that you loved them and weren't going to leave them, boys who didn't attract trouble as easily as my Robbie did

But there'd never be any boy that made me laugh the way he did, there'd be no other boy that made my heart melt with their smile the way he did, no other boys that I'd be able to say were my first time. Most of all, there'd be no boy who I could say I loved as much as my Robbie. He was my world, my everything and now he's left me and I'm all alone

I remember the first time I met Robbie so well; it was one year, four months and sixteen days ago. My first day in a new school; dad had lost his job in London so we relocated meaning that I had to start a new school right in the middle of my GCSE courses. I'm a very shy person, I don't make friends easily at all and I didn't want to have to meet new people. I was dead against it and felt like crying the minute Ollie left me to be escorted to his new class. Ollie's two years younger than me and the most confident boy I've ever met. He made friends at the drop of a hat and generally found it incredibly easy to socialise. I did not

"You're in 11G" the female teacher who was showing me around said as we made our way down a corridor "That's Miss Clarkson's form; you need to be here for 8.45am every morning, 15 minute form time and then lessons start. I suggest you stick with someone in your lessons for today so you don't get lost"

Miss Clarkson seemed like a kind lady; mid forties, overweight but jolly looking she was immediately very welcoming to me. I blushed as the form gazed at me as if something shocking or extremely interesting had just happened

"This is Alice Bailey" Miss Clarkson said "She's just starting today so if we could all be welcoming I'm sure she'd appreciate it"

I waved weakly at the class; some sniggered, some waved back and two girls let me sit at their table with them.

"A London girl" said the pretty blonde girl; she was clearly the leader "Interesting. I'm Eleanor by the way; Eleanor Price". I shook her hand as she took my timetable and reviewed it

"Oooh lucky girl" said Eleanor "You're with me and Chloe all day" she nodded at the brunette girl sat opposite her

"You know who that means she's with don't you" Chloe piped up

"Oh shit yeah I forgot" groaned Eleanor "That's all the girl needs on her first day"

"Why? What's up" I asked sounding scared

"Oh honey it's nothing to worry about" Eleanor assured me "It's just you're first day is going to be spent in the delightful company of Jeremy Bones"

"Who's that" I asked "Sounds like a Harry Potter character"

Eleanor and Chloe both laughed "He's the biggest snake on the face of the planet" said Eleanor "He will try it on with you and then call you a cheap little bitch when you reject him; which you'll do if you have so much of an ounce of self respect"

"I can't see him trying anything with me" I said brushing my brown hair out of my face "Who wants to hit on the plain new girl?"

"Honey, you are not plain" said Chloe "You're stunning; really pretty isn't she Eleanor"

"Gorgeous" said Eleanor with a smile; I couldn't tell whether she was being fake or serious

We walked to Science class together though Eleanor and Chloe were mainly talking to each other about school gossip; Chloe hesitated for a minute worried about leaving me out but Eleanor shrugged it off and said I should listen as gossip could be used to my advantage

I learnt that Caitlin in Year Ten was keeping her baby even if Louis didn't want her too; Amy and Kieran like totally got off at Melody's party, Tiffany and Mark broke up after Tiffany read some dirty text messages on Mark's phone and a girl called Selena had finished with her boyfriend Robbie Mellor - it was this piece of gossip that seemed to have everyone, particularly the girls of the school, very interested and it was all the was talked about throughout my first lesson

"Robbie was too good for her anyway"

"I've seen him without a top on you know; the boy is ripped"

"Dude, do you think I have a chance with Selena now?"

"That girl is going to end up being a stripper I tell you"

"Maybe he's gay?"

"If he's gay then Connor is in luck"

The boy called Connor hit his friend on the arm; reaching over my head as he did it as I'd been sat in between them. By break time all I'd seemed to have heard about was Robbie Mellor - it seemed like I knew everything about him even though I hadn't actually SEEN him yet. Eleanor and Chloe dragged me over to a bunch of girls in the middle of the playground where the topic of conversation was once again Robbie Mellor.

I was introduced but soon enough conversation fell back to this Robbie kid. Safe to say my intrigue in the boy was already sky high. Eleanor and Chloe guided me to the Maths lesson - which apparently had Robbie Mellor in it - and began to tell me about why they believed Selena would have dumped him, she was mad in their opinion

"If I had I'd never let him go" said Eleanor "He is so lush, and he actually seems like a nice guy as well"

"She's never actually managed to speak to me" Chloe whispered to me. I giggled a little

"I have, I have" Eleanor protested "I asked him for the rubber last week and he said 'here'"

"How are you not going out yet?" asked Chloe sarcastically

"Say what you want you can't bring me down; not today" Eleanor said cheerfully as we reached the Maths classroom. I looked around and already recognised a number of people from the science lesson and break time; there were only two people I didn't know

One was a girl, about my height, with long brown hair, green eyes and was wearing quite a short skirt and had the first two buttons on her blouse undone. She was standing on her own but didn't look lonely and seemed to be well aware those around her were whispering and pointing at her, some of them giggling and some of them just outright laughing at her. I guessed this must be Selena, Robbie Mellor's ex.

I looked at the other knowing I'd be looking at Robbie Mellor. He took my breath away with just once glance; he was surrounded by three boys and another girl who were all clearly trying to make him laugh and smile. He was quite tall with a muscular build and wild untamed brown hair that suited him incredibly well; his eyes were hazel brown and very beautiful. He had a sense of confidence, wit and charm about him but more intriguing was the sense of vulnerability I sensed he had. Whist Selena was standing alone but looked completely fine; it was the opposite for Robbie. He was surrounded by friends yet I'd never seen anyone look as alone as he did

I'd always had this strange knack for being able to read people or at least tell what mood their outward appearance was hiding. Robbie was laughing now but the smile seemed fake; he walked straight passed me as he made his way into the classroom with his friends. Eleanor have me a sympathetic look

"You've caught him on a bad day love" Eleanor whispered as we made our way into the lesson "He's normally the life and soul. Cracking jokes, making everybody laugh"

"God El, it's like you're in love with him or something" said Chloe as the two of them went to their regular seats bickering about Eleanor being in love with Robbie. I stood shyly at the front of class for the fourth time in one day

"Called a seat love; meant for sitting down on" called a blonde haired scruffy looking boy from the back of the classroom, that only made me blush more. Damn it, the teacher soon came to my aid

"David, one more outburst and you can kiss your GCSE goodbye" she said putting a comforting arm around me and I felt strangely warm and comforted "Is there a spare seat anyway" she shouted out to the classroom. There was no movement until Robbie Mellor raised his hand and moved his school bag off the seat next to him

"Ah next to Mr. Mellor" said the teacher pushing me "He won't bite" she added as we reached the seat "Robbie try not to copy off this one"

"No worry" said Robbie giving me a smile which made me blush and nervously push my hair back. I gave him a brief one and turned to Chloe and Eleanor both of whom looked like a mix of shock and pleasure. Eleanor gave me a smile and thumbs up and I turned back to Robbie

"You don't mind if we don't talk" he said rubbing his forehead "I know it's your first day, but I've got a banging headache and I'm sure you've heard I'm having a shit day". I nodded as Robbie began his work and we didn't speak for the rest of the hour

It wasn't the most ideal of first meetings I know but it was what it was; it was our first meeting and I'll never, ever forget it for the rest of my life. I sat for a while just looking out over the sea; Robbie's funeral would be over now. They'd all be at home at his wake sharing their fond memories and remembering the wonderful person they once knew. The wonderful person that I, Alice Bailey, took away from them

 

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